Saturday, October 14, 2006

After the birth...

First the stats, Cub arrived on a Monday afternoon, 3:14 pm, at 5 lbs 12oz and 19 inches long after 6-7 hours of labor. He was two weeks early.

Well, after Cub was born, they took him away for a long time. I think it was about 24 hours, which to me seem endless. I had wanted to nurse him immediately and never have him leave my sight. They told me he had a few "hiccups" in his breathing and wanted to keep him under observation. What they didn't tell me is that I also needed observation. More on that later.

I was lying on my bed in the hospital talking to my mom when my hubby popped his head around the corner and asked "Are you up for a visitor?". I snarled back "Only if they bring me my baby!". And that's exactly who he wheeled around the corner in his little bassinet. The first thing I did besides stare at his little face, was to pull him to my breast and he immediately latched on. Apparently, in the NICU, they tried to give him some sort of artificial nipple and Cub was having NOTHING to do with it. But he loved the real thing!

I still had these linger feelings of resentment about the birth. I felt so disconnected, so distant from the process. I had wanted to feel the power of childbirth, to work hard and hurt and FEEL everything. And all I remembered, even a day later, was snippets and images of contractions.

I didn't dwell on these feelings after Cub was back in my arms. After all, I was leaving the hospital healthy, with a healthy little boy. And even today, I have a healthy, handsome, loving son who is smart and emotionally stable.

And we have simply enjoyed him for the past eight years. I looked back occasionally with some sadness, but it didn't last long.

And now eight years later, I am pregnant again. The first thing I did is check out the maternity clothes available now and then the nursing clothes (much nicer this time). Then I started thinking about the upcoming birth, and all the old feelings came back. I did NOT want to repeat that again. I blamed the hospital and all the drugs for the problems I had. So I started looking into home birth. The statistics are that for low-risk pregnancies, a midwife attended home birth is as safe, or safer, than a hospital birth. So why not?

RescueMike was not in favor of this at all! Keep in mind that he was lucid for Cub's birth and understood how close he came to losing me and Cub. At his reaction, I remembered about the pre-eclampsia. I had heard them say that's what I had, but after the birth I didn't go back and research it at all.

This time I did. Next...Pre-eclampsia - what is it?


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